Snowflake...I regret all the frustration and hurt you are having to experience for your boys. However, if you persevere, the trying of your faith will prove your most valuable possession. Strong characters are not forged in a lukewarm furnace. Please keep feeding yourself God's Word as your soul must have that Food. Keep talking to your Heavenly Father in prayer as He loves your prayers and you need to talk to Him.
I am glad that you had some friends there to console you and reassure you.
I suppose everyone is playing their role exactly as they should. Addicted people acting like addicted people. People that love perversion and deviation pursuing same. Servants of the Most High God serving their Master. I wonder if Jesus felt some of your emotions. Here he had come to save the world from the worst eternal suffering imaginable (and worse) and the people He came to save eventually decided to kill Him. That sounds like loneliness. I guess this indicates that it is the role of the deliverer to be misunderstood. Ouch!
oh how i love god for giving me such a wise earthly father. the above are his words in response to our phone call a few days ago. things are just like a constant battle here. a battle on behalf of those who cannot battle for themselves--the kind of people that god talks about in the old testament, the kind of people christ died for.
a week ago neil and russie and bala disappeared after some drama went down in muizenberg. i drove to capricorn every single day at least once, but usually more than once--and all i could find was that empty feeling in my stomach getting bigger and bigger. my sole prayers became that god would drive neil to call me and he did, 6 days later.
bottomline--they used drugs. and called me to get them back in muizenberg because in capricorn "they cannot escape the people who make them use."
yesterday i talked with brian, neil's best friend, and i asked if he was worried about neil. he got very quiet and said "of course i am. he's going to die."
Tuesday, 20 June 2006
Saturday, 17 June 2006
"if we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgement and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. Anyone who rejected the law of moses died without mercy on the testimony of 2 or 3 witnesses. how much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the son of god underfoot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the spirit of grace? for we know him who said, "it is mine to avenge; i will repay," and again, "the lord will judge his people." it is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living god.
remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. you sympathized with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew taht you yourselves had better and lasting possesions.
so do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. you need to persevere so that when you have done the will of god, you will receive what he has promised. for in just a very little while, "he who is coming will come and will nto delay. but my righteous one will live by faith. and if he shrinks back, i will not be pleased with him." but we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved."
hebrews 10. 26-39
i've got no idea where to start. i should try but i am too tired. too tired of trying. something conforted my last night. i sat in the checkers parking lot with melissa, ryan, and worm...plus the kids minus russie and neiltjie. i was stressing because of so many reasons, and i just looked at my adult friends and said, "that's it, i'm the crazy one. the only way i can continue to live in this world is if i believe i'm the crazy one, and everyone else is sane."
ryan started laughing and said he'd started telling himself that a long time ago. god, at least i'm learning something valuable.
but seriously, i have to believe i'm the abnormal one (i am in this world) and everyone else is "normal". then i can carry on with my life.
these verses in hebrews are what god showed me last night before i saw the kids at checkers. they are going to be my motivation to keep on in this time. please pray for neiltjie, russie, and bala--that god would free them from addiction and gang life. pray for keaton--that the pain in his little heart wouldn't lead him to hate my love for him. pray for randall, whose so paranoid and worked up about some misunderstandings that he could reach a place of genuine forgiveness. and pray for alfred and mano--that they'd either turn from their wickedness or quickly start spending a long part of their life behind bars.
and pray that i could finish mandela's autobiography in the near future!
remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. you sympathized with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew taht you yourselves had better and lasting possesions.
so do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. you need to persevere so that when you have done the will of god, you will receive what he has promised. for in just a very little while, "he who is coming will come and will nto delay. but my righteous one will live by faith. and if he shrinks back, i will not be pleased with him." but we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved."
hebrews 10. 26-39
i've got no idea where to start. i should try but i am too tired. too tired of trying. something conforted my last night. i sat in the checkers parking lot with melissa, ryan, and worm...plus the kids minus russie and neiltjie. i was stressing because of so many reasons, and i just looked at my adult friends and said, "that's it, i'm the crazy one. the only way i can continue to live in this world is if i believe i'm the crazy one, and everyone else is sane."
ryan started laughing and said he'd started telling himself that a long time ago. god, at least i'm learning something valuable.
but seriously, i have to believe i'm the abnormal one (i am in this world) and everyone else is "normal". then i can carry on with my life.
these verses in hebrews are what god showed me last night before i saw the kids at checkers. they are going to be my motivation to keep on in this time. please pray for neiltjie, russie, and bala--that god would free them from addiction and gang life. pray for keaton--that the pain in his little heart wouldn't lead him to hate my love for him. pray for randall, whose so paranoid and worked up about some misunderstandings that he could reach a place of genuine forgiveness. and pray for alfred and mano--that they'd either turn from their wickedness or quickly start spending a long part of their life behind bars.
and pray that i could finish mandela's autobiography in the near future!
Tuesday, 13 June 2006
i'm back!!!!!!
THIS BLOG IS DEDICATED TO KARLA, DENNIS, AND SETH WORLEY. THANK YOU FOR THE CAMERA.
THIS IS ALSO DEDICATED TO MEREDITH MACGUIRK, AMY JENKINS, BETH HARRIS, MY MOM AND DAD, AND ANYONE WHO GAVE MONEY FOR ME TO BE USING THIS NEW COMPUTER. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!
ENJOY----
ricky.
russie getting ready for a workout!
me and neiltjie.
me, brianie and neiltjie.
me and keaton.
walking the waterfront.
ricky, russie, neiltjie and i.
poem's sexy legs.
russie trying to swipe a kid's skateboard.
me and russie at church.
outside checker's.
me and russie in the park.
THIS IS ALSO DEDICATED TO MEREDITH MACGUIRK, AMY JENKINS, BETH HARRIS, MY MOM AND DAD, AND ANYONE WHO GAVE MONEY FOR ME TO BE USING THIS NEW COMPUTER. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!
ENJOY----
ricky.
russie getting ready for a workout!
me and neiltjie.
me, brianie and neiltjie.
me and keaton.
walking the waterfront.
ricky, russie, neiltjie and i.
poem's sexy legs.
russie trying to swipe a kid's skateboard.
me and russie at church.
outside checker's.
me and russie in the park.
Monday, 12 June 2006
what all those psalms are really about.
Arise, LORD! Lift up your hand, O God.
Do not forget the helpless.
Why does the wicked man revile God?
Why does he say to himself,
"He won't call me to account"?
But you, O God, do see trouble and grief;
you consider it to take it in hand.
The victim commits himself to you;
you are the helper of the fatherless.
Break the arm of the wicked and evil man;
call him to account for his wickedness
that would not be found out.
The LORD is King for ever and ever;
the nations will perish from his land.
You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted;
you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,
defending the fatherless and the oppressed,
in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.
Psalm10.12-18
sometimes i think about all the parts of the bible i've never been able to relate my life to, words and complaints and pleas to god for justice, mercy, freedom from brutal oppression. apparently there are a significant amount of places in the world that need such words of encouragement, nations at war and fatherless children living in terror and affliction. i like that my world in africa finds comfort in these formerly "superfluous" chapters and verses.
psalm 10 is a marvelous example of a part of the bible i've never know what to do with. my life has never been in need of these words...until now.
here in muizenberg my life has picked up speed. in the past 3 weeks i've probably averaged 10 hours a day in the lives of the kids. yesterday i hit the peak with 18 hours, minus eating lunch with the team here from nashville. 18 hours is alot of time in their lives. more is revealed and shared with me as i sit, walk, and eat with them in their world.
drama abounds, to be quite honest. sure, we are a rather contained specimen of the global "street kid epidemic" but we are a holistic one for sure! name an issue, we'll have a story about it. just yesterday at church a congolese man gave melissa his phone number. he was cute, but not cute enough to override the fact that he had offered ricky 200 rand to get melissa to consent to having sex with he and his 2 brothers. this is one way they make money.
another way is through giving their own bodies to sexual immorality. in the past week we've confronted 2 muizenberg pedophiles preying on our kids. last night a vw golf full of men pulled up and offered the kids money for sex RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
mingo is a drug runner, so he is often found on the corner of the game shop, strolling up and down church street with his yellow fannie pack, half out of his own head from the drugs his older gangster roommates feed him as payment for his "work".
keyton can be found curled in a ball outside checkers asking for small change. that is unless we are taking him to capricorn where his drunk mother and stepfather forgot to leave him a key to get in the house 3 days in a row. we searched capricorn for her and when we found her keyton was so upset he didn't even care anymore about taking a shower. he just grabbed a handful of clothes, shoved him in my lap, grabbed my hand and pulled me out to the car where he sat in my lap and cried into his 10 year old arms. how many times has he gone through that, and how many of these kids the same--yet with no one to hold them and love on them afterwards. and i wonder why they steal from me and the rest of the world around them?
neiltjie's been off tik 8 days today. he got paid for breaking into houses, stealing pipes, and selling them this morning at the "scrapyard"--exactly what it sounds like it would be, a yard full of scraps. last night after a dramatic 2 mile walk where we yelled and cried and cursed at one another for some recent behavior on his end that was hurtful to me, he pulled me aside and cried for an hour straight about his stepfather and his drunk mother and his dead brother and his dying brother and his little sister who has no one to clean her diapers and his little brother, kadoya, who keeps showing up on the streets of muizenberg as well. he's never opened up to me like that. but neiltjie and i have a long road ahead of us, because he's invited me into the reparative work he longs for in his life. school, moving home, helping his mother avoid abuse--he says all this is what he wants now, that he's tired of this life on the streets.
bala asked the same. he wants to go home. he's been on a tik binge since i cannot remember when and just last night he opened up to me. he's lost so much weight and broken so many laws as aof late. he spent he last week stuck with some older gangsters in capricorn who told him he was a homosexual if he didn't smoke tik with them...7 days later he was still there, smoking tik, trying to remember why it was such a big deal to be called a homo after all.
these are just a few stories out of life here. clearly prayers are in high demand. i beg you to pray for them. neiltjie and russie told me yesterday that all they need to not do the drugs is for someone to ask them not to, to watch them and hold them accountable. i've been given permission to beat them all if they use--and i have my ways of finding out the truth on a daily, hourly basis!!!
again, here are their names:
damien, carl, ricky, neil, brian, andrew, bala, keaton, kadoya, russell, randall, doofy, brontino, and mingo.
You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted;
you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,
defending the fatherless and the oppressed,
in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.
what all those psalms are really about.
Arise, LORD! Lift up your hand, O God.
Do not forget the helpless.
Why does the wicked man revile God?
Why does he say to himself,
"He won't call me to account"?
But you, O God, do see trouble and grief;
you consider it to take it in hand.
The victim commits himself to you;
you are the helper of the fatherless.
Break the arm of the wicked and evil man;
call him to account for his wickedness
that would not be found out.
The LORD is King for ever and ever;
the nations will perish from his land.
You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted;
you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,
defending the fatherless and the oppressed,
in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.
Psalm10.12-18
sometimes i think about all the parts of the bible i've never been able to relate my life to, words and complaints and pleas to god for justice, mercy, freedom from brutal oppression. apparently there are a significant amount of places in the world that need such words of encouragement, nations at war and fatherless children living in terror and affliction. i like that my world in africa finds comfort in these formerly "superfluous" chapters and verses.
psalm 10 is a marvelous example of a part of the bible i've never know what to do with. my life has never been in need of these words...until now.
here in muizenberg my life has picked up speed. in the past 3 weeks i've probably averaged 10 hours a day in the lives of the kids. yesterday i hit the peak with 18 hours, minus eating lunch with the team here from nashville. 18 hours is alot of time in their lives. more is revealed and shared with me as i sit, walk, and eat with them in their world.
drama abounds, to be quite honest. sure, we are a rather contained specimen of the global "street kid epidemic" but we are a holistic one for sure! name an issue, we'll have a story about it. just yesterday at church a congolese man gave melissa his phone number. he was cute, but not cute enough to override the fact that he had offered ricky 200 rand to get melissa to consent to having sex with he and his 2 brothers. this is one way they make money.
another way is through giving their own bodies to sexual immorality. in the past week we've confronted 2 muizenberg pedophiles preying on our kids. last night a vw golf full of men pulled up and offered the kids money for sex RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
mingo is a drug runner, so he is often found on the corner of the game shop, strolling up and down church street with his yellow fannie pack, half out of his own head from the drugs his older gangster roommates feed him as payment for his "work".
keyton can be found curled in a ball outside checkers asking for small change. that is unless we are taking him to capricorn where his drunk mother and stepfather forgot to leave him a key to get in the house 3 days in a row. we searched capricorn for her and when we found her keyton was so upset he didn't even care anymore about taking a shower. he just grabbed a handful of clothes, shoved him in my lap, grabbed my hand and pulled me out to the car where he sat in my lap and cried into his 10 year old arms. how many times has he gone through that, and how many of these kids the same--yet with no one to hold them and love on them afterwards. and i wonder why they steal from me and the rest of the world around them?
neiltjie's been off tik 8 days today. he got paid for breaking into houses, stealing pipes, and selling them this morning at the "scrapyard"--exactly what it sounds like it would be, a yard full of scraps. last night after a dramatic 2 mile walk where we yelled and cried and cursed at one another for some recent behavior on his end that was hurtful to me, he pulled me aside and cried for an hour straight about his stepfather and his drunk mother and his dead brother and his dying brother and his little sister who has no one to clean her diapers and his little brother, kadoya, who keeps showing up on the streets of muizenberg as well. he's never opened up to me like that. but neiltjie and i have a long road ahead of us, because he's invited me into the reparative work he longs for in his life. school, moving home, helping his mother avoid abuse--he says all this is what he wants now, that he's tired of this life on the streets.
bala asked the same. he wants to go home. he's been on a tik binge since i cannot remember when and just last night he opened up to me. he's lost so much weight and broken so many laws as aof late. he spent he last week stuck with some older gangsters in capricorn who told him he was a homosexual if he didn't smoke tik with them...7 days later he was still there, smoking tik, trying to remember why it was such a big deal to be called a homo after all.
these are just a few stories out of life here. clearly prayers are in high demand. i beg you to pray for them. neiltjie and russie told me yesterday that all they need to not do the drugs is for someone to ask them not to, to watch them and hold them accountable. i've been given permission to beat them all if they use--and i have my ways of finding out the truth on a daily, hourly basis!!!
again, here are their names:
damien, carl, ricky, neil, brian, andrew, bala, keaton, kadoya, russell, randall, doofy, brontino, and mingo.
You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted;
you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,
defending the fatherless and the oppressed,
in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.
Friday, 09 June 2006
neiltjie.
this is neiltjie. i love this kid so much. god is using him to teach me some remarkable things about life and love. from working with kids around the world, i consistently see that unconditional love and intentional conversations about the pain in a child's life is like the hand of God coming down and opening the boarded-up doors of that child's wounded heart.
Neil: you see that shop there? russie and i broke in there once and got 1000 rand."
Russie: yah!! and that shop there also. we stole some rolls.
N: we used to steal ALL the time. everyday everyday. we break in and steal and run off.
R: so many shops, ashley. so many shops in muizenberg. we come in with our guns and we rob the people (russie is 11--and TOTALLY exaggerating!).
Ashley: really? when was this?
N: a long time ago. we used to do so many drugs also. before you came we are doing drugs all the time. everyday everyday.
R: smoking mandrax. tikking. every night we get our drugs, sometimes for free.
A: hmmm....
R: you gonna go to the church on sunday ashley? you gonna take me? if you don't take me i'm gonna go alone. i'm gonna be there anyways. there by the church.
A: yes russie, of course i'll take you.
N: you know, last sunday when you was at the church i wanted to be at the church. i'm gonna go this sunday also.
R: yah. i'm gonna give my life back to god. you know that ashley? i'm gonna give my life back to god. you think i shoudl do that?
A: yes, i think that's great, russ.
N: me too, ashley. when i was a kid, i was going to church every week every week. my auntie is a christian and russie's opa (grandfather) is also one. i used to stay by him. if i go to the church then i'll stop using hte drugs and stuff, you know?
Hey ashley, i want to meet all your family and i want you to meet all mine and i want to you to never leave us alone here in africa. i want our families to be good friends and to eat together. i don't want you to ever leave for america, ok?
A: that's not for a long time, neiltjie. and you can meet my family.
R: yah, me too. I want to meet mr. america. his daugther is my mother. you know ashley, my brother got shot before and he died. and soon my mommie's gonna die. when that happens, you gonna be my only family, you know that? you gonna be my mother?
A: yes, russie. i will always be your family.
N: You know ashley, before you came, we were doing drugs all the time. but now i just want to spend all my time with you and melissa. when i am with you and melissa i don't even think about the drugs. i think i will come to you everyday.
Carl: i've been to your house 4 times.
R: I've been there SO MANY TIMES. right, ashley?
A: yes russie.
N: I've only been twice but i want to come everyday. it's so nice, you know.it's so nice to come there because then we don't do bad things. i pray for you and melissa every night, you know ashley? I pray you never leave us in africa. that you stay a long time.
Neil: you see that shop there? russie and i broke in there once and got 1000 rand."
Russie: yah!! and that shop there also. we stole some rolls.
N: we used to steal ALL the time. everyday everyday. we break in and steal and run off.
R: so many shops, ashley. so many shops in muizenberg. we come in with our guns and we rob the people (russie is 11--and TOTALLY exaggerating!).
Ashley: really? when was this?
N: a long time ago. we used to do so many drugs also. before you came we are doing drugs all the time. everyday everyday.
R: smoking mandrax. tikking. every night we get our drugs, sometimes for free.
A: hmmm....
R: you gonna go to the church on sunday ashley? you gonna take me? if you don't take me i'm gonna go alone. i'm gonna be there anyways. there by the church.
A: yes russie, of course i'll take you.
N: you know, last sunday when you was at the church i wanted to be at the church. i'm gonna go this sunday also.
R: yah. i'm gonna give my life back to god. you know that ashley? i'm gonna give my life back to god. you think i shoudl do that?
A: yes, i think that's great, russ.
N: me too, ashley. when i was a kid, i was going to church every week every week. my auntie is a christian and russie's opa (grandfather) is also one. i used to stay by him. if i go to the church then i'll stop using hte drugs and stuff, you know?
Hey ashley, i want to meet all your family and i want you to meet all mine and i want to you to never leave us alone here in africa. i want our families to be good friends and to eat together. i don't want you to ever leave for america, ok?
A: that's not for a long time, neiltjie. and you can meet my family.
R: yah, me too. I want to meet mr. america. his daugther is my mother. you know ashley, my brother got shot before and he died. and soon my mommie's gonna die. when that happens, you gonna be my only family, you know that? you gonna be my mother?
A: yes, russie. i will always be your family.
N: You know ashley, before you came, we were doing drugs all the time. but now i just want to spend all my time with you and melissa. when i am with you and melissa i don't even think about the drugs. i think i will come to you everyday.
Carl: i've been to your house 4 times.
R: I've been there SO MANY TIMES. right, ashley?
A: yes russie.
N: I've only been twice but i want to come everyday. it's so nice, you know.it's so nice to come there because then we don't do bad things. i pray for you and melissa every night, you know ashley? I pray you never leave us in africa. that you stay a long time.