motherland.

Natalie Merchant, one of the best lyricists (is that a word) in my opinion, sings a really poignant song for me today. Reading it on the surface, you might think I'm feeling nostalgic, hesitant to leave, judgemental but still unsure what I think.
In my defense, let me say that none of those are true. I'm so excited to leave I could get on a plane this second. I'm so looking forward that the past just annoys me when it tries to distract me. I'm so sound in my decision that I'd go through the awful difficulty of the past 7 months just to relive the beauty of the lessons learned.
I feel so alive today. So unified. I'm cutting the rope on the anchors of my past, the ones that won't let me sail on. I'm being unwound before the Lord, because I'm realizing that I'm allowed to beat those old knots out of me, finding greater flexibility and energy as the toxins leave my body.
I feel like I've been reworked into a whole new person. And this song is exactly where I am in my mind. I just translate it differently than I would have a few months back...

Motherland
Where in the hell can you go far from the things that you know
Far from the sprawl of concrete that keeps crawling its way about 1,000 miles a day?
Take one last look behind, commit this to memory and mind.
Don't miss this wasteland, this terrible place.
When you leave keep your heart off your sleeve.

Motherland cradle me, close my eyes, lullaby me to sleep.
Keep me safe, lie with me, stay beside me don't go.
Don't you go.
Oh, my five & dime queen tell me what have you seen?
The lust and the avarice, the bottomless, cavernous greed, is that what you see?

Motherland cradle me, close my eyes, lullaby me to sleep.
Keep me safe, lie with me, stay beside me don't go.

It's your happiness I want most of all and for that I'd do anything at all, oh mercy me!
If you want the best of it or the most of all, if there's anything I can do at all.

Now come on shot gun bride what makes me envy your life?
Faceless, nameless, innocent, blameless and free, what's that like to be?

Motherland cradle me, close my eyes, lullaby me to sleep.
Keep me safe, lie with me, stay beside me don't go.
Don't go.