and my heart burns for you.

What can I do with my obsession
With the things I cannot see
Is there madness in my being
Is it the wind that moves the trees?
Sometimes You're further than the moon
Sometimes You're closer than my skin
And You surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss
And my heart burns for You
And my heart burns...for You
-David Crowder Band.

"therefore i am now going to allure her; i will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her..." -hosea 2.14

a fullness. exploding with love. oozing hope. led by faith. confident. enveloped in peace.
the unknown below my feet. then there was the warmth upon my skin. the wind did blow.
laugther. sharing. reading. sharing. the warmth upon my skin. the wind did blow.

an unlikely invitation. unprepared. frantic searching for something to offer, something tangible. something quantifiable.
but wait? numbers are not real. not when they represent daysandweeksandmonthsandyears of hate, evil, rejection, abandonment. not when they insult the person behind them. numbers are not real.

how? where? why is it this way? this way and that way. all around. you. maybe you. you?
ok...some guidance. a sense of possibility arose from the center. i will cling to this. i will live by this.
diving. swimming. loosing my breath. splashing in this...this is what the bible talks about.

...............................................
i'm sinking.
my heart is breaking.
my mind is reeling.
no. no. no. it's not that way. you don't understand. numbers are not real.
maybe to some, numbers are all they have left.

but i am not a number. i will exalt you, o lord, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

goodbye. to who? who must i release? who must i fight for? and how, alone? you have broken me. all of you, into different pieces, which have fallen into different universes of equal reality. how did this happen?

and again, it's been broken. i'm going to fight for this. there is beauty in this broken. there is joy coming in the morning.
i sit alone now.

peeling. pain is everpresent. who am i now? who dug this hole?

i will acknowledge the lord. i am longing to be close. and my heart burns for you.