if you give. you begin to live. you get the world. you might die trying.

however small, the first step is hardest of all
once you get your gait, you'll be walkin' tall
you said you never did, cause you might die trying> -dmb.

i'm in one of those places where everything is starting to make sense today. moments and words and ideas are all seeming to come together again. the current finally caught me again.

it reminds me of that part in 'finding nemo' where nemo's dad & ellen in fish form meet those surfer turtle dudes. i love that part. and the two little fish get sucked into the east australian current. marlin and dory are on this mad hunt for the very current they find themselves in, trying to find their way to nemo. it's a major crisis in the life of this fish, loosing his son, feeling responsible, feeling like a fool. like a bad fish. he puts all his effort into repairing what happened, even though it wasn't actually his fault that nemo was lost.

but now marlin finds himself back in that current leading them in the right direction.

at some time in the last 6 months, i started a frantic search for something i had lost. i was fighting sharks and weird creatures of the world. i felt way too responsible and felt way to guilty, because in reality i was in a chaotic situation i didn't totally cause. i hit a point where my searching was so in vain, and so much like just swimming around in a massive body of water looking for one little fish named nemo.

and then the current came again. it picked me up. it reminded me that my ultimate purpose was to bring peace back to the world i live in. and god wasn't going to abandon me in that wild hunt.

what i lost is returning in that current and it's absolutely glorious and relieving and joyous. it feels like a big celebration in in order. i am so glad to be back in the current.

ashley: Oh... What happened?
God: Saw the whole thing, dude. First you were all like "whoa", and we were like "whoa", and you were like "whoa..."

i'm so glad god talks like a hippy :)