everything is speaking.

but he often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.


who am i, o lord?

"i am the vine, you are the branches...apart from me, you are nothing; you can be nothing; you can do nothing."



Is there ever a time when this will make sense?
When sitting on cliff edges and in tree tops and upon mountain peaks and in valleys low, all alone,
will be my joy's destination again?
Speak to me, O God, who are the creator of all color and light and beauty and joy and peace and solace and rest.
Speak to me, O God, who are strong and steadfast and complete.
Speak to me, O God. You are.
I feel the "i am not" of your "I AM".

"in quietness and trust is your strength."



but i am not quiet. inside. outside. i don't know how to trust. how will i ever be strong again? where do i go from here?

"if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. for whoever wants to save his life will loose it, bu whoever looses his life for me will save it...
about 8 days after jesus said this, he took peter, john and james with him and went up onto a mountain to pray. as he was praying, the appearance of his face changed..."

go to the mountain. again and again you must go to the mountain.

"how beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "your god reigns."




salvation shall come: i will go to the mountain.

and my heart burns for you.

What can I do with my obsession
With the things I cannot see
Is there madness in my being
Is it the wind that moves the trees?
Sometimes You're further than the moon
Sometimes You're closer than my skin
And You surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss
And my heart burns for You
And my heart burns...for You
-David Crowder Band.

"therefore i am now going to allure her; i will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her..." -hosea 2.14

a fullness. exploding with love. oozing hope. led by faith. confident. enveloped in peace.
the unknown below my feet. then there was the warmth upon my skin. the wind did blow.
laugther. sharing. reading. sharing. the warmth upon my skin. the wind did blow.

an unlikely invitation. unprepared. frantic searching for something to offer, something tangible. something quantifiable.
but wait? numbers are not real. not when they represent daysandweeksandmonthsandyears of hate, evil, rejection, abandonment. not when they insult the person behind them. numbers are not real.

how? where? why is it this way? this way and that way. all around. you. maybe you. you?
ok...some guidance. a sense of possibility arose from the center. i will cling to this. i will live by this.
diving. swimming. loosing my breath. splashing in this...this is what the bible talks about.

...............................................
i'm sinking.
my heart is breaking.
my mind is reeling.
no. no. no. it's not that way. you don't understand. numbers are not real.
maybe to some, numbers are all they have left.

but i am not a number. i will exalt you, o lord, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

goodbye. to who? who must i release? who must i fight for? and how, alone? you have broken me. all of you, into different pieces, which have fallen into different universes of equal reality. how did this happen?

and again, it's been broken. i'm going to fight for this. there is beauty in this broken. there is joy coming in the morning.
i sit alone now.

peeling. pain is everpresent. who am i now? who dug this hole?

i will acknowledge the lord. i am longing to be close. and my heart burns for you.

happy birthday jesus.

in the summertime...

I was in your presence for an hour or so
Or was it a day? I truly don't know.
Where the sun never set, where the trees hung low
By that soft and shining sea.
Did you respect me for what I did
Or for what I didn't do, or for keeping it hid?
Did I lose my mind when I tried to get rid
Of everything you see?



In the summertime, ah in the summertime,
In the summertime when you were with me. -bob dylan.

please visit my photos on the right side of the screen to get some more summertime samples :)



(photos taken on 25.11.06 at kommetjie beach just before a braai sponsored by calvary chapel church, home to john and trish roberts. ryan and i visited with the kids and these are some of our memories)