rainer maria rilke the german.

living with someone is fun. living with someone named ryan is WAY fun. i like that i can come home and sit down at the desk and see lots of cool books lying there without explanation. i want to ask ryan where these books came from, but he's out. i want to ask the books, "why are you here?" but they don't talk.

so i just started reading them, bits and pieces to get a taste, what's their flavor and such. i got sucked in like a indian ocean current by this one book, "letters to a young poet." for some reason, the title sounds familiar. maybe somewhere in those hazy college days that i aced with flying colors :) i heard about this book. probably from quirky professor murray with the howling halloween ghost socks.

anyways...

here's a quote, and i quote:
" you ask if your verses are good. you ask me. you have previously asked others. you send them to journals. you compare them with other poems, and you are troubled when certain editors reject your efforts. now (as you have permitted me to advise you) i beg you to give all that up. you are looking outwards, and of all things that is what you must now not do. nobody can advise and help you, nobody. there is only one single means. go inside yourself. discover the motive that bids you write; examine whether it sends its roots down to the deepest places of your heart, confess to yourself whether you would have to die if writing were denied you. this before all: ask yourself in the quietest hour of your night: must i write? dig down into yourself for a deep answer. and if this should be in the affirmative, if you may meet this solemn question with a strong and simple "i must", then build your life according to this necessity; your life must, right to its most unimportant and insignificant hour, become a token and a witness of this impulse...a work of art is good if it has grown out of necessity."

wow i love that. is what i do out of necessity, or is it insecurity, routine, boredom, fear? why do i do what i do? why i am in cape town? why am i a book freak? why do i love sewing and making things? why do i value people and their stories? why do i need to exercise to feel good about myself?

am i a person whose passion is such out of necessity? i like this question. i like thinking about necessity being a driving force.

cause i think it should be that way in our life. we should do things because we can't NOT do them. we can't not breathe, eat, play. not doing these things leads to death.

marinate on that for a minute.