Resumes and Rivers

"A brutal rebel group responsible for countless atrocities, the Lord's Resistance Army continues to wage war against the Ugandan government, whose undisciplined army has committed crimes against civilians, the very people they are supposed to protect, with near-total impunity. Today, as the war continues into its 19th year, 1.9 million displaced civilians in northern Uganda remain isolated, ignored and unprotected, vulnerable to abuses by both rebel and army forces."

The UN undersecretary general for humanitarian affairs and emergency relief coordinator Jan Egeland describes northern Uganda as one of the world’s worst humanitarian disasters—and least known. While certain aspects of the war such as the LRA’s mutilations and abductions of children have received occasional media coverage, comparatively little has been done by the Ugandan government and the international community to alleviate the suffering of the more than 1.9 million people forced from their homes in northern Uganda to a precarious existence in government displaced persons camps.

OK, so basically for 4/5 of my life, a war has been continuing in Uganda, and kids my age are now leaders of a rebel army that sneaks in late at night and kidnaps 7 year olds in order them to train them into murderers.
How do we live day in and day out without knowing these kinds of stories? Do you know how much it took for me to hear about this. Why do I feel like I'm living in a bubble. To quote Kevin, "I'm so tired of it."
I mean, why not me? Why wasn't I taken hostage at 7 and handed a gun and forced to shoot someone or die myself? And since it's not me in that position, why am I just sitting here?
"How long, O LORD, have I cried to thee, unanswered? I cry, 'VIOLENCE!', but thou dost not save. Why dost thou let me see such misery, why dost thou let me see wrongdoing? Devastation and violence confront me; strife breaks out, discord raises its head, and so law grows effete; justice does not come forth victorious; for hte wicked outwit the righteous, and so justice comes out perverted." (Hab1.2-4)

Why am I making a stupid resume for a stupid job I don't want--spending all my free time reading about genocide and injustice and wishing for a chance to do something? This is my dilemma today...put forth effort for something i don't want to do, or sit and read about something i can't get enough of (not suggesting that injustice must continue so that i have something to do...don't misunderstand me).

I just feel like a fish out of water right now. I feel stagnant. I believe God is doing things I cannot sense or see right now. Job talks about this when he says that God comes in during the night and basically rearranges his thoughts so that Job wakes up a more Godly man and so that he won't just walk straight into the pit of hell each day. I guess this is what Christ meant when he told us to pray to be delivered from temptation. Because we naturally drift toward evil, much like a piece of wood caught up in the current drifts toward a bigger body of moving water.

But I feel like one of those pieces of wood that gets caught on the brush from the bank, and the water is rushing all around me, and some nights there are big rain storms and I get beat by the wind and water, and some days I'm ok just being idle.

The woman in Proverbs 31 "does not eat the bread of idleness." I feel like I'm dining on it three meals a day. This is not a good feeling. But it's allowing my zeal to grow. Jim Elliot says that a busy schedule filled with mundane tasks is death for the zeal of the Lord. I agree...so I guess I should enjoy this time and nurture my zeal rather than beat it to death with menial tasks.

Therefore, why am I making a resume again? Maybe one day this resume will get me a job where I can sit and know about the pain in the world and have the means to do something about it. Maybe that's what this resume is for...it's like that stream leading to the bigger body of water.