BIG NEWS !!!

RYAN AND I ARE ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited I can hardly sleep at night! Since the day I met Ryan
8 months ago until now, I find it harder and harder to imagine my life
without him in it. Everything is more fun with him. Everything is more
exciting with him. Everything is more "right" with him. Everything is
more purpose-driven with him.

Ryan and I both have a deep passion for children-at-risk and feel God
has called us to spend ourselves on behalf of such kids. We also both
feel called to live in South Africa. Ryan has been here since 1999
working with the street kids of Cape Town, and he is now the Social
Development Manager of a sports academy in Khayelitsha. He's known "my
kids" from Capricorn for years, and they are actually the people who
took me to Ryan's house and introduced us when I first started working
with them. What a better way to meet your husband than through the
children you feel called to work with? :)

Ryan is from Cookeville, Tennessee if you can believe it!!! Had to
travel thousands of miles from TN to meet the man I am going to marry,
who happens to live a 45 minute drive from my home in America!
He's an incredibly talented musician, using music as an avenue to
gaining respect in Cape Town and also spreading his message of
equality and justice and love for all kids. He's started his own
organization "the brown foundation", and has plans to continue working
through the media (tv, radio, live performances) until God directs him
elsewhere.

Ryan and I both feel that God has organized this so perfectly, and in
His timing we've come to the conclusion that life just seems alot more
complete with one another. I respect, support, love and deeply admire
this man for his servant heart. He's brilliant and creative and gentle
and hilarious. I don't expect a dull moment!!!

It really is a match made in heaven and I cannot wait for you all to
meet him. We've set April 14th, 2007 as our wedding date and it will
be at bbc, so please mark your calendars now! It will be a wonderful
day of celebration and sharing with family and friends. We both look
forward to being home, visiting loved ones, and then heading back to
Cape Town next June as a team ready to commit longterm to the lives of
the children of South Africa---the future of this great nation!

Thanks to you all for supporting me to come to South Africa, b/c, as
you can see, there was yet another purpose!!!! Give Him ALL the
Credit!!!!

the lost son.

in his book "the return of the prodigal son", the brilliant henri nouwen paints a picture of the possible inner workings in the mind of "the lost son" from luke 15. it makes me think of neiltjie. imagine feeling this way...

"i am not so sure anymore that i have a safe home, and i observe other people who seem to be better off than i. i wonder how i can get to where they are. i try hard to please, to achieve success, to be recognized. when i fail, i feel jealous or resentful of these others. when i succeed, i worry that others will be jealous or resentful of me. i become suspicious or defensive and increasingly afraid that i won't get what i so much desire or will lose what i already have. caught in this tangle of needs and wants, i no longer know my own motivations. i feel victimized by my surroundings and distrustful of what others are doing or saying. always on my guard, i lose my inner freedom and start dividing the world into those who are for me and those who are against me. i wonder if anyone really cares. i start looking for validations of my distrust. and wherever i go, i see them, and i say: "no one can be trusted". and then i wonder whether anyone ever really loved me. the world around me becomes dark. my heart grows heavy. my body is filled with sorrows. my life loses meaning. i have become a lost soul."

my camera loves mikayla.

and so do i!

ryanashbrian.

friday night was a fun night with two of my favorite boys in South Africa. ryan performed at a function in Table View. brianie came along for moral support. we had fun watching all the people. the other musicians were like hard rock christian music. then the middle part was dj eazy
and ryan. one guy was breakdancing. other than that, it was random to watch all these souful-looking people so rigid when the dj came on.
i, however, enjoyed it. i have a fascination with dj's. it's completely an art and i respect them greatly. i had a friend in college who was a dj and i used to watch him for hours as he would practice at home. i got lost in his hands scratching, his beatmatching, and his brain thinking what song to fade into next.
i think the thing that draws me to dj-ing is the way that they look like they TOTALLY know what is going on, while the rest of us either don't really invest in their talent but only reap the benefits of it, OR we (me) stand there in awe, drueling on the turntables, wishing to be that cool.
i had this moment where i committed heart and soul to becoming a really good female dj. but i'm poor and really uncoordinated so i don't think i could maintain such a hobby. but my heart is in it, my brothers. my heart is in it!
here's some photos for you. the last one is my dedication to all you beck fans who appreciate the artwork on my elbows...



Bottles and cans just clap your hands just clap your hands!!!

IZAPHA!!!!!

"ashley!!!!! izapha!!!!!! izapha!!!!!!" ("come here" in xhosa)
i'm walking today through longbeach mall with my african parents and suddenly i hear this familiar voice claiming my attention. I turned to see someone my eyes have not seen in a long time, someone who i've missed for 5 months. some people told me she had moved to the eastern cape. others told me she was no longer alive. still others said she was just not interested in our friendship anymore.
noluvo was one of my first actual "friends" here in cape town. when i first met her, i was spending all my time either with melissa or with a group of teenage boys. noluvo was this shining light in my life for so many reasons. she lived in sight 5, also known as masiphumelele. she attended a support group i facilitated. i will never forget the first time i met noluvo.

she walked into the room with this anger dripping off of her. it was contagious and therefore a hazard to the rest of the group. she sat stiffly with her baby boy running around with the other xhosa kids. she didn't look at anyone. she definately didn't smile. she was cold and closed.
but she kept coming back and one day, amidst a bunch of clicks and sounds i didn't understand, i look up to see noluvo crying. apparently she was really hurting inside and unable to keep it in anymore. my mentor, nobuntu, spoke with her and answered question after question. by the end of the group, noluvo had repented of her sins and entered into an eternal relationship with jesus! it was the most beautiful thing i had ever seen, mostly because i couldn't understand a word that was spoken, but i understand every tear that fell from noluvo's eyes.

afterwards, i gave her a huge hug and welcomed her to the family. she smiled for the first time! the next week she returned and after the group she asked me to start meeting with her on a weekly basis. this turned into two meetings a week. i taught her about the history and origin of HIV and she taught me basic xhosa.

she was the most encouraging teacher, and really convinced me i could learn her language. i was determined and a beautiful friendship was forming.
then the winter rains started falling and noluvo didn't come out as much. before i knew it, i saw her no more. i asked everyone i knew in masi. i even drove to her street thinking i might find her. i sent letters, messages, etc. but no one knew where she was.

that was april. it's october. i've missed her so much. my heart really loved her very much.

so today, when i saw her at the mall i about squeezed the breath out of her. i couldn't let her go. i kept kissing her head and her baby's head, holding one on each side. she cried. i cried. we laughed and cried.
i'm so excited to reunite with her. we are going to start our meetings again! i cannot wait to be with her again!!! i really expected never to see her again.

i couldn't stop thanking God for this moment. afterwards i went to the grocery store and it literally took me 10 minutes to find trash bags because i was just kinda wandering around pick n' pay with this goofy smile on my face and tears filling my eyes. i thought of all my kids in moldova who christ reached in much the same way, and whose entire personality changed when christ entered their heart. i am completely convinced that there are entire parts of who we are made to be that cannot come to life with out jesus in us, bringing them out. an entirely new person emerged from noluvo's body when jesus was in her heart. how amazing is that! how alive and real is that!!! i am so honored to know this man jesus.

this morning i was reading out of the amplified bible, something my dad taught me the value in. he loves being verbose, so this bible was made for him :) anyways, i was reading colossians and this verse caught my attention and now reminds me of myself, of noluvo, and maybe you'll feel a connection to this in your own life:

"The Father has delivered and drawn us to Himself out of the control and the dominion of darkness and has transferred us into the kingdom of the Son of His love..." (col 1.13)

this verse was swimming around in my head when i spontaneously saw noluvo at the mall. and what hits me like a slap to the face as i type this is that IF god were not real, alive, moving through the world "delivering" and "drawing us to Himself" OUT OF DARKNESS and putting us into christ's kingdom...if that wasn't a real thing that happens to people in this world, in this day and age, regardless of race, age, size, economic background, marital status, career, or whatever....if that wasn't a living, breathing experience being had by people all over the world, then noluvo would have just been another face in the crowd at the mall. maybe i would have been annoyed that her pants were filthy. maybe i would have thought i was better than her. maybe i would have bumped into her in order to get my trash bags faster.
but because jesus is real and redeeming, my need for trash bags turn into an eternally significant event. i cannot really explain the fullness of this whole thing, but i know some of you get it.

that's all i'm going to say! go buy yourself some trash bags. you never know what might happen!!!!

vasile iovu.

this is vasile. he's the wani of moldova.
vasile died this past week. he was 18.
a year ago, i wrote a story about vasile for the first sweet sleep
newsletter. going back and reading it now, i see just how incredible and big our God is.
i know that at this very second, vasile is with jesus. maybe he and bill wilson are talking about all those things we don't get to know about in full on this earth.

i was just thinking last night, what if god didn't send us to moldova? would vasile be with jesus now? that is not said to credit us, but to praise god because he sends out shepherds to gather the lost. once again, ezekiel 34 proves true. i remember when vasile gave his heart and life to jesus. i remember the joy on his face.

thank you jesus for blessing this world with vasile. thank you for making his joy complete by returning him unto your side. the Lord is our shepherd.

A Phoenix from the Ashes: Vasile's Story
written by Ashley Lovell

Shivering alone on the top step of a dark and empty porch, the cold Moldovan
air enveloping his thinly clothed frame, Vasile, a 16-year old boy who has
been aged out of the orphanage, waits for his grandparents to come home. He
is waiting in the cold because, while they let him live in their house, they
do not consider him valuable enough to have his own key. Adjusting his cap,
his hand runs over the raised scars covering his scalp, reminding him of the
abuse inflicted on him by his parents. As he gets older, the unjust pieces
of his life come into the light and expose themselves, crying out for a
listening ear, a second chance, a saving grace.
In the world Vasile lives in, chances don’t come often. Choice is an
infrequent experience when you are an orphan suffering from a disease, or
just the idea of a disease, called epilepsy. Vasile is one of thousands of
kids perhaps diagnosed incorrectly with this condition, making the roadblock
between where he is and where he’s trying to go that much more bulging.
Being an orphan is one thing in Moldovan society, but an orphan with
epilepsy might as well turn to alcohol and drugs and sexual immorality
because this is the destination their society expects them to arrive at.
But Vasile is different. He’s been forced to be a man in a boy’s body. He’s
chosen to live in an orphanage rather than with the people who raised him,
people not deserving to be called parents for this might suggest love or
provision or encouragement—things Vasile never received from his childhood
companions. Enduring abuse that left his head scarred and disfigured, as
well as surgeries that left him even more insecure about his physical
appearance and personal value, Vasile has taken those things he was never
exposed to— love, gentleness, responsibility, life—and has somehow infused
his world with them.
He’s funny. He’s a leader. He’s compassionate. He plays with small children
with care and tenderness. He’s wise and hungry for God. He asks questions.
He thinks through his faith. He views it as the most precious “second
chance” he could have ever received, and he respects his God in a personal
and faith- filled way. He speaks truth in hard situations. He lives by a
moral standard based on Biblical principles. How? How does life come from
death? How does a phoenix rise from the ashes?
Vasile is one of Sweet Sleep’s first bed builders, and has already been
involved in building more than 350 beds for his new employer. A more
tangible “second chance”, he’s thankful and respectful and living out the
fullness that such an opportunity means for his stigmatized, restrained
past. His sponsor of two years, Parker Bradley says with confidence, “Vasile
has never been given many chances, so when he gets one he does really well.
He’ll be an excellent teacher for kids coming up in the next few years.” But
for now, Vasile needs his own mentor. “He’s a Timothy. He needs a Paul,”
said Parker. “Someone to teach him how to be an effective Christian. He
wants it, he’s just never had anyone walking beside him, showing him what it
looks like.”
Vasile is a precious part of my own heart for Moldova. Every time I visit
his country, he makes me a bookmark or a t-shirt, or he fishes through his
few belongings, searching for a gift to give me. Something tangible. Little
does Vasile know that the untouchable gifts of joy and love and inspiration
he provides for my life are worthwhile and abundant. But he’s beginning to
realize you take the tangible things of God while you have access to them,
but when they are out of your physical reach, God is not. He doesn’t leave
us alone on the cold, dark porch of His presence. He’s inside of us, mending
our wounds and turning our pain into joy, our scars into beautiful reminders
of God’s healing in broken places.
The opportunity for Vasile to work for Sweet Sleep doesn’t come without a
struggle. Under the Moldovan government, it is nearly impossible for someone
diagnosed with epilepsy to be eligible for any type of employment. In the 10
months he has worked for Sweet Sleep, two battles for his employment rights
have occurred. As you read this, Sweet Sleep is again struggling to keep
Vasile employed. Pray for Vasile. Pray his chances are not taken from him
again. Pray for those in Moldova who will make this decision. Pray for God
to send a Paul into Vasile’s life to guide him. Pray the label of being an
orphan with epilepsy will not convince him he is unworthy. And, praise God
for using something as simple as the opportunity to build beds to show
Vasile God's love gives us all the ability to rise from the ashes.

this is wani.

and i love him. you can ask ryan, sometimes i find myself just saying "oh wani" because just the thought of him in my head brings so much joy to my heart. he is different from other kids. let me give you some examples:

1--the first time i met wani, he was sitting outside 711 with boy. we talked about how he was hungry but he knew god would provide for him. about 10 minutes later, this girl walks by and hands him a cooked chicken. seriously. and in his hunger, he could have just started eating it. but the first thing he did was look at me and say "see, god provides for his children." he then thanked god for the chicken and ate it.
2--a few minutes later, another dude walked by and gave wani some sweets. he gave me half of them.
3--a few days later i saw wani riding his bike in the rain. i stopped and gave him a lift and he still thanks me for that.
4--everytime i go to capricorn and i see wani, he tells me i love "the boys" too much. he recognizes the reason i come to capricorn and he comments on it. he is thankful for the love and he constantly tells me he wants to see me happy with a husband to love me in return.
5--i get wani at random times and everytime, he will sit down and initiate a serious talk about god or his own rebellious heart. he is quick to open up and share. he thinks about things. he has a conscience. he wants to be closer to God. he has faith. he is thankful. he respects me.

for a 15 year old kid from capricorn, he's a miracle. and i love him.

"oh wani."

bonnytoun is my friend.

last sunday, i joined the Purpose Driven Youth of lavender hill (a branch of the Fish Hoek Drug Crisis Center) for their first organized event in bonnytoun, a boy's "place of safety" in Cape Town. I have been to B-toun countless times at this point because some of the kids i know have been in and out of here.
the morning was really great and I got to see 2 kids who are currently there. i took poem and doofy and ryan with me to the service. the PDY performed skits about gangsters and there was singing and a small message about something i partially understood in afrikaans. what i do know is that the sheep analogy was in there at some point, and all my PDY friends looked at me because I had just spoken with them the previous week about us being called to gather the lost sheep (see ezekiel 34).

so, during the prayer time, about 50 young criminal boys came forward and stood in a group to receive prayer and support. it was a moving experience and i am excited to see god using that place to change lives. it was at bonnytoun that god really spoke to brianie and changed his heart. please pray for the boys of bonnytoun.



brianie with his warden when he was at BT.

wani and boy.

me and wani, a kid from capricorn (and one of my most favorite people in all of south africa. this kid is incredible and beautiful and deep.

jou liggaam is de tempel van God.

Last wednesday Sherna and I arrived on the scene of our Living Hope land in Capricorn expecting a mega-turnout. We were right. Our program got chucked out the window as child after child arrived to join us. Our 100 sandwiches evaporated into the African sky. Our pipecleaner craft of 150 kids worth of supplies disappeared quickly. Our Bible lesson about your body being a temple of God

was magnificent, and I learned a little more Afrikaans!

As I looked around, I saw children i had known for 7 months, children i had seen around Capricorn or CD but never really talked with, and children I'd never laid eyes on before. It was a beautiful afternoon for me, as I saw God continue to continue my connections with that community and ALL the people residing in it. I have never felt this kind of connection and draw to any place in my life. Ok, maybe I feel that for Asia, but that's just a given. This is so much more sensical and obvious to me, that I have something to truly offer this community: my love and my understanding of addiction.
Check the flickr photos for more shots of the afternoon, but here a few more for you!!!

The Big 50 with 500.

John Thomas gracefully and joyfully celebrated his 50th birthday last night with 500 of his closest friends. This man is famous in South Africa! I think he had a great time because the whole day was in celebration of him. He delivered a powerful message at church Sunday morning. Here are he and his wife Avril at the table of honor during the party!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PASTOR!