The Child in No. 17

In crib No. 17 of the spartan but crowded children's ward at the Church of Scotland Hospital in KwaZulu-Natal, a tiny, staring child lies dying. She is three and has hardly known a day of good health. Now her skin wrinkles around her body like an oversize unit, and her twig-size bones can barely hold her vertical as nurses search for a vein to take blood. In the frail arms hooked up to transfusion tubes, her veins have collapsed. The nurses palpate a threadlike vessel on the child's forehead. She mews like a wounded animal as one tightens a rubber band around her head to raise the vein. Tears pour unnoticed from her mother's eyes as she watches the needle tap-tap at her daughter's temple. Each time the whimpering child lifts a wan hand to brush away the pain, her mother gently lowers it. Drop by drop, the nurses manage to collect 1 cc of blood in five minutes.

The child in crib No. 17 has had TB, oral thrush, chronic diarrhea, malnutrition, severe vomiting. The vial of blood reveals her real ailment, AIDS, but the disease is not listed on her chart, and her mother says she has no idea why her child is so ill. She breast-fed her for two years, but once the little girl was weaned, she could not keep solid food down. For a long time, her mother thought something was wrong with the food. Now the child is afflicted with so many symptoms that her mother had to bring her to the hospital, from which sicks babies rarely return."

The aWAKE Project has my reading attention. 3 years ago or so, Thomas Nelson published their promotional/informational book, complete with World Vision photos to break your heart, essays from George Bush, Nelson Mandela, Kevin Maz, Philip Yancey, Danny Glover. Economists, Journalists, Musicians, Presidents, Reverends--perspectives fit for each readers taste.

The statistics stagger my attempt at living a day without thinking about this. I woke up this morning totally normal in thought, almost selfish because I was thinking about past things or hurts or people--something I haven't done in a few days. And then I sat down this morning and something inside of me was whispering "africa" again and again as I tried to read my bible and write in my journal. In conversation with my friend Ryan, while going on a nature walk collecting fall leaves with Jake Severino, during my picnic lunch, while trying to work on the Sweet Sleep newsletter---it's like, regardless of what I'm trying to do, and as much as I enjoy doing that thing I find myself doing, I've still got this little voice whispering in my head "africa."
And then I run into people who are hearing that whisper too. Or I get an email from John Thomas in Cape Town, South Africa telling me about the job opportunites at his community center. Or I read the word of God and I see verses that remind me of Africa:

and so i sit here thinking about africa. please tell me you are thinking about it, too.

bombs by any other name would be just as deadly.

"The blast was so powerful, my house shook," Kiran Mohan, a photo editor who lives about 200m (650 ft) away from Sarojini market, told Associated Press.

Babu Lal Khandelwal, a shop owner in Paharganj, said: "There was black smoke everywhere. When the smoke cleared and I could see, there were people bloody and people lying in the street."

Sarojini Nagar shopkeeper, Bansi Lal, said: "There were two foreigners who were on fire and they were begging me to help them. But I was in a daze. I could not help them."

The BBC's Paul Danahar, who was at the site of the blast in Sarojini Nagar, says the scene was one of carnage and confusion.

I have about 6 friends who just landed in Delhi three days ago.I haven't heard from any of them. Tragedies such as this strike everyday and as your own world gets bigger through those awesome people God connects your path with, you are living day to day in these tragedies. It's a way that I feel almost responsible for the hurting world.
What's going on in India? In Pakistan? In South Asia? In Myanmar and the area around it? What's happening to the American coasts? What's stirring underneath the waters of our lives and erupting them into moments of life-changing trauma? What's happening every second that we don't see coming until it hits like a tsunami or an earthquake or a hurricane or a bomb?
Violence manifests itself in nature and in nurture. In times like this, discriminating between the cause of origin is irrelevant. In times like this, pain is pain and broken things crack and bend underfoot. We walk through the red light districts of lovelessness and sin or we tiptoe around the shards of glass buried in the sands of devastated beaches.
The earth is breaking all around us and my question to you is what are you doing to mend it?

"Life's most urgent question is: what are you doing for others?"
Martin Luther King, Jr

africa

"in our attempts to be advocates for africa, it is difficult to reach beyond simple awareness. and although simple awarenss is a vital first breath in the conversation about injustice, the Gospel calls us to something more transformational. it provokes us to the uncomfortable act of knowing and to the intentional decision to be present in the suffering of a person whose shoes walk daily on the battlefield where hope and death, life and despair wage their unyielding war. they don't want our pity. they don't want our charity. like all of us, they want to be known...how powerful it is to walk in somone's shoes when they're barefoot."

--jena lee, blood:water mission director

www.bloodwatermission.com

I couldn't agree with anything more than this right now in my life. the "intentional decision to be present in the suffering of a person (in africa)" is something I feel really strongly about.
would you pray for these people. you will hear much more about this from me in the coming months...but i encourage you to go to this website and click on "jena in west africa"...the director of blood:water went to africa and her journals are online.

home on my own

If plans never changed, I'd be headed to this place in 27 minutes. My flight left for Los Angeles/Hong Kong/Bangkok/Burma at 5 pm tonight.
It's really odd living these moments, because these are the "what might have been" moments of a few months ago. Back when life was going and I was going and Burma was where we were going to, this second and day and time & space in Nashville were things I'd never have a chance to know.
Now? Now these are mine. These are life and these are the focus. These are what obedience looked like, it just took me a month in Virginia to see the broad horizon of obedience's possibilities, and then as I started walking towards that broad idea, the road narrowed and the sun shone down, outlining a very strict and narrow path to the edge.
Here's the edge. Home. I'm home and that's what today means. Just because I know that 20 minutes northeast of me is a plane pointing its nose towards California, and at 3am tomorrow morning there's a plane headed for Hong Kong...just because I know these things doesn't mean that I'm supposed to be a part of that world.

Driving out of Walmart parking lot this morning listening to David Crowder, I heard him ask "Aren't we left here on our own?"
I don't think that question was meant to depress anyone or to provoke pity for Crowder or to mock the God who claims to be in all and through all and making all that is good and pleasing and perfect. I think that question rhetorically asked me to consider what is true: that we are indeed left here on our own. Today, I have been left here on my own. Not alone...but, on my own. God's all I've got and for the first time in my life, that's all I want. He's graciously removing from my desire list a longing for old or new romances, an acceptance letter from Golden Gate seminary, a one way plane ticket to Burma, a lot of money or a lot of praise.

He's taking away all that made sense and made me who I thought I was, and he's just leaving those places empty, knowing that time will close up the gaps and the wounds and the holes from shots of the enemy. He's leaving me on my own.

That's where I want to be. Home on my own.

Here are some of those memories I would not have had if I were on a plane today:












These faithful friends were there when all this started---thank you for continuing to walk this road with me

"Spirituality is extremely messy." --Aaron Bryant.

I'm taking lots of pictures these days.
Mental pictures.
I know this because I find myself focusing my sight, my mind, like a camera. I see something, it catches my eye, and I grab my mental camera.

I switch to manual focus.
I zoom in. I zoom out. I zoom in, just a little more.
My fingers form a half-moon around the focus lens and turn it up & down, left & right, waiting for that perfect position of the lens that allows the cleanest, clearest, crispest capturing of that moment.
So in those moments when I've got the shot--the perfect shot--in the focus of my mind, I'm not looking around. I'm not stopping my train of work, that inclining & peaking effort, in order to see who just walked through the door or by my table going to the bathroom.
I'm probably not even going to answer the phone or check the timer on the cookies--they can wait a few more moments. I'm not going to turn my head or my vision to the right or to the left. I'm not going to stop what I've started.

And so it is with God.
So it is with my mental pursuit of that moment.

But it's not about the moment. It's about the focus.
It's the focus that doesn't stop after the camera clicks. It's constantly hoping, looking, knowing the presence of a next image; thought; moment.

A series of moments.
A constant awareness. It's trust.
Trust that god is most definately always in a Kodak moment. It's us needing to keep the camera switched on and near our eye.

Focus is constant. It's hopeful. It's trusting. It's passionate. It's excited. It's zealous.
O God, focus me on you. You are always.
Always.

[IAMWHOIAM. IBE.]

The Playoffs

This is what I feel like today. Like I'm trying to kick footballs too big for my size. I know there are things I'm supposed to be doing, plays I'm responsible for calling and setting into motion, or just big footballs I need to punt down the field.
But they are too big for me today. I just want to pretend they are not there, that I'm not on the team that made it to the finals.

But Kristin and I had lunch and we decided we needed to have a Little Mermaid party. This is her email to me later today. I love friends like this. 

The little crab’s name is Sebastian.  I thought about it on my way home.  I don’t know who Scuttle is.  It sounded good though. 
We will have to think of a food theme for our party and I definitely think we need to do decorations.  Lets think about it Kristin Bedi
Realty Mortgage
(ps--all fun loving girls are invited. date TBA.)

TOMORROW----

COME OR DIE.
Suburban Tumbleweed (a short film by Seth Worley)
Belcourt Theater
Thursday, October 20, 2005
5 & 6 p.m.
$5

MK from HK

One of God's richest blessings upon my life has been my friendship with Michelle Kobosky. We share the same heart for so many things: Asia (esp. China), exercise, guitar (meaning she plays and i don't but we both like it), friendship, monks, and the outdoors. She's challenged me in many ways that cut to the core of my sinful nature. And vice versa. We call each other "garden friends", of which I have few...this means we sit in the garden for hours and hours and talk about everything...we are not rushed to do other things when we are together, and we value the growth and health of the other person. She's the most joyful person on the earth. She doesn't know how to frown. She's got this wheezy laugh that makes her sound like she huffs helium often. She's a ball of energy that never shrinks or pops...except when she's in the garden. Then she's a totally different MK. MK from HK...b/c she spent a year in Hong Kong. She came to visit me in Burma and loved it. Called it her vacation. She's the kind of girl who'd vacation in a 3rd world country. God, I love her.

Saturday afternoon, MK from HK got in a motorcycle accident and was inches away from bleeding to death. Her face got shoved all over the place and her teeth are all gone. She has a broken pelvis and toe and bleeding on her brain. Her life was given back to her when an off-duty EMS worker saw the accident and happened to have a nasal somthing or other that he could put in her face so she could breath until the paramedics got there. They arrived expecting a fatality, and instead they found MK...full of 'fighting for her life' life, attempting to yank her helmet away as she remained fully conscious throughout the entire experience. 23yards from her motorcycle, she was put into a medically induced coma and has remained there until today. Today she is awake and lying at Vandy quite uncomfortable and frustrated. But alive. She's alive and she's got lots of time to think about why.

We are all like MK. We all get our life back every second. Do we ever stop to think about why? Why do we not get smited off the globe any second? It's a good question and I dare you to ask it.

This was written by one of the men who was riding with MK. He's not a believer in jesus, but he believes in God because of MK's accident. This blows me away, how MK even shone in the black getup of her motorcyle attire! She's amazing. Pray for Dan. Dan the Man. He's the man. He's the sheep. And I know he's asking why about his own life today.


My name is Dan,
Rick and myself road with Michelle the day of the accident and i wanted to share my thoughts with you.
On Saturday Michelle,Rick and myself had met at my apartment in Hermitage to spend the afternoon to take a nice ride on some quiet country roads to Bowling Green, KY for some lunch. I remember Michelle pulling in my Driveway on her bike and taking off her helmet, Her eyes lit up like fire, She was so excited to go on this ride with Rick and Myself.

We started our drive leaving Hermitage and stopping at a Motorcycle parts store. I remember Michelle walking all around the store looking at all the items for sale, I laughed quietly to Rick and told him she reminded me of a little kid at christmas waiting to open her presents.

We then got on our bikes and started our Journey, We all agreed it was a beautiful day for a drive, the weather was perfect. We started the drive and Rick was in front, Michelle was behind Rick and i was following michelle, If you have ever seen Michelle drive her bike you would notice how safe of a driver she was, always cautious of her surroundings, driving under the speed limit. and obeying all the rules of the road, I had always been impressed with her driving skills.

We drove through Mt, Juliet, then into wilson county and we were all enjoying the ride and the scenery. As we were driving near the Kentucky-Tenn... border i signaled Rick and Michelle to pull over, I wanted to get a bottle of water and to discuss where we were going to have lunch. We all got off our bikes and were amazed at the "small town" country roads and how we were enjoying the ride and each others company.

About 10 minutes later we got on our bikes and proceeded to head to Bowling Green. Rick was leading, I followed Rick and Michelle was behind me. The roads were straight and flat and the trees were filled with such color. I was honestly awed at the scenery while driving, it was simply breathtaking.

We continued to drive straight for 10-15 miles until we hit the Tennessee - Kentucky Border. The next hour was the worst Hour of my life......

I was constantly checking my mirrors for the past 5 miles to keep my eye on Michelle, We would always alternate behind Rick, Michelle would be behind Rick, then i would etc. We had passed by a gas station on this country road about two minutes later i looked in my mirror to see how Michelle was doing and i did not see her. I started honking my Horn to Rick to get his attention to pull over. Rick had pulled into a side street. I pulled up next to him and said to Rick that i had not seen Michelle, and i was worried she might of run out of gas or pulled over. Rick and i immediately went back the way we came, I drove out first and rick followed me.

we drove for about 1 mile. I then panicked when i saw a crowd of people surrounding some one lying in the street.....It was michelle. I pulled my bike over with rick behind me and i was devastated. Rick and i ran over to Michelle and started to assist her, there were several people with her assisting her, I was in shock, devastated and i broke down.

We (Rick and I) Immediately started to make some calls to inform Michelle's loved ones. After Michelle was taken away by ambulance i sat down on the side of the curb and was still in shock and devastated. It took us about an hour and a half to drive from the scene off the accident to Hermitage. It was felt like the longest ride of my life.

Rick and i road back to my place in hermitage and got in my car and drove to vanderbilt hospital. When we arrived Vanderbilt we met up and prayed with Michelle's friends.

For the past 2 Days have felt such remorse, devastation and responsibility. I am constantly praying for Michelle and her family, Every time i close my eyes i see Michelle. I am not a religious person but have found myself praying several times a day.

I am praying for michelle and her family and they are constantly in my prayers.



Dan

dump truck i am

for all of you i've dumped my junk on over the last few days, i'm sorry. i know i shouldn't apologize and you are all saying "no, no, keep talking. it's good for you." much thanks for those words. however, the time has come, the chimes have rung, the tick-tock has ticked, the hour has struck. it's midnight and i'm no longer the princess for you all to give your attention to, your listening ear to, your thoughtful love to. i'm done. and i'm sorry.
throughout the years i've really tried to lose some old habits and things that were a natural part of my life. from my upbringing and my own life experiences, i've established some unrealties in my life that must be held up to the light.
there are the truths that have surfaced through this process of examination:
1-my issues are stupid. god is sovereign.
2-my friends love me. that's more than most people have.
3-my heart is easily broken.
4-i don't give in 1/2's. all or nothing.
5-i like listening to people and knowing them. i don't like walls. i don't like hermits. i don't like when people aren't honest with themselves.
6-i appreciate authenticity even when it hurts. i like people who are willing to look foolish for what they believe in.
7-i think about my own problems wayyy tooo muchhhh. overkill. sometimes i wonder how much good i could do if i put all my mental energy towards what is true and noble and lovely and excellent and praiseworthy. if i set my mind on things above, not on earthly things.
8-i hate injustice. i hate things that aren't fair. which leaves me hating lots of the time.
9-i don't want to be a hater. so i have to read lots about forgiveness and letting go of expectations. i like al-anon and the 12 steps b/c they explain this to me.
10-my heart triple skips a beat when i think about other countries.
11-i'm growing out of lots of my old insecurities. i have some new ones, but all in all i like who i am, i'm comfortable in my skin, i don't spend my time comparing myself to other girls, and i like being natural.
12-my priorities get off course when boys come into the picture. all you boys...back off.

that's about it. and i realized that all things are incomplete. i've spent lots of time thinking that this or that will happen in my life and make me more complete. that's BS. no job, no person, no assignment, no money, no day off, no conversation of affirmation, no easy breezy beautiful cover girl is going to complete me. so i need to get used to feeling waves of incompleteness, hopelessness, overwhelming frustration with all i cannot do, and hurt from those who are in my life. it's all part of the bag. and it's been around since the beginning. god says we now see a poor reflection and we only know in part. later, when we are with him, we will know in full AND be fully known. isn't that what i'm looking for? and isn't it only found through death--both here and beyond.
so i'm sorry for all the crap i've dumped on you and for all the words i've sent through your ears. i'm going to try and not do that anymore. i'm going to try and use this frustration for creative good. or for productive good. like today when i sprinted a full mile just out of built-up annoyance at my own self-centered thoughts today. seth, thanks for putting up with me ALL OVER NASHVILLE.

thanks for thinking i'm someone you want in your life. you people are all just so great. i appreciate you very much.

and i'm going to bed now. goodnight.

Dinosaur Pop Up Book

Thanks Dr. Hooten, for sending me this picture of the dinosaur pop up book in Richmond. How great is this book?

Attitude

I just had a Buddhist monk tell me that I'm making him mentally tired.

My Big Fat American Yard Sale

You really should have been there. But some people were there at 5;45, which was quite unnecessary considering I had just put out a fire in my kitchen caused by an old pizza box being in the oven when the oven was turned on to make the mornings' muffins. It was a crazy day, to say the least.
But by 6:30 Kristin had arrived with a cardboard/bag thing filled with Panera coffee, and a shopping bag filled with some of today's hottest items. Individual chips and salsa plate things went within a minute of being put on the shelf. Capri jeans were bought on impulse. Even a free recipe book from Publix gathered 10 cents from a sweet old lady. But what didn't sell, and it was the strangest thing, were matching peach and lime green business suits with gold buttons. Why she would be getting rid of them in the first place was beyond my understanding, but then to watch as customer after customer overlooked this trendy sell blew us away.
By the time Seth arrived (about 7:30), we were ready for action. The sale had been a quiet one thus far, but we came to find that screaming "This is the worst yard sale ever" as loud as we could seemed to tear down the walls between ourselves and those hungry yard sale shoppers. Time after time our tactic worked so we actually reached a point where we controlled the flow of shoppers. Essentially, we became string masters.
During one of our down times, after having eaten all the muffins and the donated halloween cookies (which were totally good, thanks to Heather), listening to David Crowder and Nickel Creek on repeat, taking pictures of my Sigmund Freud action figure slam dunking in our old basketball goal and Seth's ugly doll squished in between two poles of our fence (see Seth's blog @ www.awakeland.blogspot.com), we had a brilliant idea. We put on the matching outfits.

The driveway changed from a parking lot into a runway and we could have put on a fashion show if we wanted. Instead, we didn't want. We just sat around rummaging through the items for sale and putting them to enterainment use. I won't elaborate on how both Seth and Kristin stole items right in front of my eyes.

Special thanks to Stacie and the apple cider, Stephen and the donation and teaching us how to talk to dogs, Linda Blough and the Swing's, Victory who had great timing at showing up when it was over (as did Stacey loo and her mom!!!), Jenn and Mike, and anyone else I've forgotten. But Kristin and Seth, you raised the friendship bar. You guys are awesome. I have such great friends.

And then, we cannot forget to share about my brother Mike.

He made sure all my friends got a tour of where my dead cat is buried. Thanks Mike! You are priceless!!!

So, that was my morning. I spent the afternoon sleeping and finishing a painting I've been working on.
See ya next week, when I will be trying to sell all the leftover crap. Just kidding. I won't be doing that again for a while.
Instead, I'll be working the early morning shift at It's A Grind (also known as The Elbow) with Seth. So essentially, we will be reinacting our purposeful early morning routine on a regular basis.

My Yard Sale

Ashley's YARD SALE
--a wide variety of stuff for you to buy--
All proceeds go to Missions!!!

Hey friends and family,
Please come to my yard sale this weekend and see if you find anything you want.
I'm selling lots of fun clothes, cd's, books, and random things from foreign countries!!!
Also, I'll have homebaked goodies donated by my great friends!

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 8th
6:30-1:00

Directions: Take 65 to Concord Road. Go west and turn Right on Lipscomb Drive. It's near Interstate 65. Our house is
1519 Lipscomb Drive, about 1.5 miles down the road.

The Holy Shadow

Did you know the word "shadow" has 18 definitions in the dictionary? I looked up stalker first, thinking Holy Stalker would have been a better name for this blog entry...but every definition for "stalker" included words like "stealthily" or "malice", which when used to define God as I was trying to do by giving him a name this morning, would sound as if I am suggesting God to be intentionally set on doing evil or harm. Clearly, that's not what I mean so I chose "shadow" simply because one of it's 18 definitions said "a constant presence". I guess this is the best way to describe who God showed Himself to be this morning.

I was reading Genesis 32:22-32, Jacob wrestles with God. From some other resources I used, I saw that about 7 chapters earlier, God came to Jacob in a dream and promised him the Abraham covenant/blessing almost immediately after he'd just duped his father and older brother into giving him the firstborn inheritance belonging to his older brother Esau.
Before I go further, I need to say that I had spent most of the early morning outside, thinking about God in new ways, but I couldn't explain them to you now. What I realized was that the childhood God I've learned about growing up continues to be a less than accurate description of who God really is. Or maybe I just misconstrued it through life. Regardless, I'm learning things about God I should have known a long time ago, but for some reason I didn't...or didn't know them in a real way.
So I said, "Alright, Mr. Man in the sky. Just exactly who are you? Show me something about yourself today." And then I sat down to read my Bible.
That is where Holy Shadow/Stalker came in. In Genesis 25 and 32--as well as Luke 15, and not to mention the lives of myself, my Dad, my ex-boyfriend CJ, my friend Stephen, and on and on throughout the ages of us really rebellious and streets-of-new-york sinners who enjoyed addiction too much--GOD is a Holy Stalker. A Holy Shadow. He's there, waiting to rescue us. He's not approving of our sin, but he's letting it happen. He knows about it. He's up in the rafters observing every thought and attitude and behavior. And along the way, he's dropping subtle hints of His presence: love letters, business cards, flowers, etc. However, there's a catch. The catch depends on the state of our own heart. The catch is "Are we willing to be found? Are we willing to be gotten? Are we willing to be saved?" Until we can say "Heck yes I am", God's still up in the rafters of our lives.

So, I'm reading in Genesis about how God comes to Jacob in a dream and makes promises and bestows blessings, and I"m thinking "Ok, God. So you are telling me that even in my badness or rebellion, you are coming after me and even willing to go so far as bless me? That's not something I remember knowing about you before." It's sad, I know. But it's just today's lesson in my life.

I turned to Luke 15, probably one of my most favorite parts of the Gospels. The Big 3. The Lost Sheep. The Lost Silver Coin. The Lost Child. In all three stories, God is going after the 1...because there is more rejoicing in Heaven over the 1 coming back to God than the 99 who already have Him. A story about lost sheep will reach the majority of the world who lives off the land, barely getting by, recognizing the high value of one lost sheep. The Lost Coin speaks to the calloused souls of all of us, to the American capitalism, to the go-getters who are out for money. And the Lost Child...well that's my story. That's the parable Christ threw in at the end, with lots of detail (21 verses!) for people like me who don't care so much about sheep or coins, but whose hearts break in half over people and relationships.

God, in his grace, chases after sinners. Jacob, the prodigal child, Ashley...all of us I guess. But even the vilest of sinners in the middle of their sin can meet God. Because God chases us and meets us in our need. He loves saving us, for this is who He is--our salvation. Christ even said, "It's not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." That's why Christ always hung out with ragamuffins. They admitted they weren't perfect by their outward behavior.

So, in all these stories, God will most definately chase after you but when he finds you, you have to be willing to be taken. And if trials come after that or during that, it's because He loves you enough to let you learn from your mistakes so that grace is real to you. So that you too come to the point of admittance for help.

That's my sermon. I just wanted to share with you what I learned today. Maybe it will help 1 of you. From what I learned today, it's all about the 1.

Infoplease

www.infoplease.com

How does one find time to work, sleep, eat, and play when websites such as this exist in the .com world? I don't think I'm going to be able to remove my eyes from this for a longggggg time.

Sunscreen

ok, i know this is probably the supreme cheese to most of you, but this morning as iwas getting ready for my breakfast date with amy-jo, something inside my head broke down and the memorized parts of this speech came rushing back to my awareness. it put me in high spirits. reread this, just for fun. it's really pretty good. the part that i remembered this morning was "don't be reckless with other people's hearts. don't put up with people who are reckless with yours." that's good! it means something different to me now than it did then. in light of Christ and his example of forgiveness and acceptance, i think it just means that we are supposed to decide how we are going to treat someone and then do it, regardless of how our pride suddenly kicks in or our heart starts hurting or our "list of wrongs" that we are not supposed to keep comes popping up in our heads and we become the defense against all those around us who are reckless with our hearts. because the bottomline is that people are reckless and selfish but lots of us are trying to be different. it's hard to be different when our natural response is to protect ourselves or try to make our case clear to the world.
but sometimes, you just have to stop. just stop and do the thing that scares you, or the thing that doesn't feel natural, or the thing that hardens you to difficulties while not making you everyone's doormat. how do you love those who aren't being all that loveable? and how do you understand their side, so that you realize maybe they are doing all they can today and their best just won't be what we think it should be. their best might be crap to us and it might hurt us and we might take it personally, but it might just be all they have to give.
Amy Bryant once told me "God will promote you." Those words are so important to me. God will defend my case, uphold my cause. He will make it shine in His righteousness.

Ok, go read the sunscreen song...pick one sentence and do it today.

Baz Luhrman - Sunscreen Speech
================================

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ?9...Wear sunscreen


If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years youll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you cant grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked...Youre not as fat as you imagine.

Dont worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Dont be reckless with other peoples hearts, dont put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Dont waste your time on jealousy; sometimes youre ahead, sometimes youre behind...the race is long, and in the end its only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Dont feel guilty if you dont know what to do with your life...the most interesting people I know didnt know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still dont.

Get plenty of calcium

Be kind to your knees, youll miss them when theyre gone.

Maybe youll marry, maybe you wont, maybe youll have children, maybe you wont, maybe youll divorce at 40, maybe youll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary...what ever you do, dont congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either - your choices are half chance, so are everybody elses.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can...dont be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, its the greatest instrument youll ever own.

Dance...even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you dont follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

49 second break in speech -- Quindon singing

Get to know your parents, youll never know when theyll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, price will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do youll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Dont expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Dont mess too much with your hair, or by the time its 40, it will look 85.

Be careful who advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than its worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen...

I'm encouraged!

So many of you have recently emailed me about the Uganda blog a few days ago. Your support and common interest in the betterment of mankind is so encouraging. God is clearly moving in the lives and hearts of his people, and I"m thankful for those of you who are connecting with me in that way.

To Andrew and April Crouch, thank you for loving Africa and trying to find a way to show that. You have done something remarkable in the short time you have been married. You've shown me two people who are knit together for the common good.

To Sarah Bedenbaugh/Jenkins and her family over on the East Coast, thank you for your kind words and your email about the work in Liberia. I'm encouraged by the work of our forefathers around the world. You've inspired me to dig deeper into those interests I have and to share what I"m learning. And thanks for the 50 pound package a few years ago!!!

To Gandyland, who triumphed over the dark forces of poorness and found a way to move to Moldova. God's rallying his troops for that land. Way to join in!!!

To Liz down in law school in Texas. So let me get this right? You're a second year law student who is already debating cases, you just got trained to be a Red Cross chaplain, you spent the summer working in a law firm in India, you did Disaster Relief work...and you have a boy treating you like poop? Do I or anyone else need to tell you what to do with him? You are amazing and I love you and admire you more than I can express. You deserve the best.

To my sweet monk father in Asia who emailed me today to say he's unhappily miserable in Asia today and wants out. That he seeks peace through himself while I seek it through God, and he's not finding it. Oh how I love you. If I could get on a plane this second I'd do it. My heart feels like its tearing apart all over again at the thought of not seeing you in a month. I"m so sorry. I pray for you every second. God has found you, my friend.

To Amy Bryant and her little man down in Birmingham. Thank you for the great tour of your hometown today. For encouraging me through your questions, through promoting Beeson Divinity School, through your husband's Africa reflections, and through your constant encouragement of me as a woman of the Lord. I love you and your family.

To Arley, who let me sleep in her bed last night while the night thief robbed us of a "real night". It was a fake, plastic night. Thank you for spilling the contents of your heart. FOr your creative talents that you are now using to brighten the world. "This", too, shall pass and you will be able to express it through that talent. I love you Arley Warley.

And to your boy Seth. Thanks for dinner...again. And the honey mustard. And the hippy night looking at stars and for loving your girlfriend so flippin' much in front of me that you give me hope for that in my own life, or just hope. You are awesome and whatever real job you do or don't get doesn't matter in comparison to the light you are in the off hours. You don't need to know how bright you shine, b/c you wouldn't believe it anyways. And it's not in the ways you think. To you, I know that is refreshing.

To Amy Jacobs, who feeds me Cracker Barrel and pumps me full of coffee, then let's me sit back and do what I love to do most--listen to her heart. It's an honor, really. You are a strong lady.

To Kristin Bedi...thanks for chili and cookies. For so much laughter that my sides hurt. For your sweet, innocent spirit that reminds me of days when life was way easier and quaint. Thanks for your parents and their work, your sister and her work, and you and your work...both now and in the future. You will go to India!

To AmyJo Girearererrrrrr, for pursuing a friendship and allowing me to be a fast talker and a new favorite. Back at ya. Thanks for working with those younguns and for making as their model--Christ and those who followed him.

This has become a thank you list, which was not the original intent. But that's ok. It's ok because life is good today. Lynrd Skynrd made me smile as I drove home from Alabama this evening. Sweet Home Alabama, or Tennessee, or wherever. It's all sweet. And it's home. Today that was more than enough for my heart. It was a wonderful day from God of a new adventure, of forgiving others and remembering the past in a new way...a healthy way. Clarity keeps coming in it's quiet ways and I'm just taking it all in.
And even tonight as my heart felt like it was ripping out of my chest as I talked to my parents about Burma, and the streets and the faces and the places and the things going on and all that I am not going back to be a part of...even when that felt like Chinese water torture and I nearly hijacked a plane to Asia ( a oneway one), I still feel ok. Peace hasn't left me. The cloud hasn't moved.

Thank you, Supreme Cloud. Thank you for this life. And for whatever it is or is not...those things you protect me from that I don't even know about. Thank you.

Happy Birthday Gretchen!!!!!

endangered animals. a short story by arley and me.

Over the River and through the Woods. This is where we found ourselves. The treetops danced as the wind whistled in and out of the colored leaves, for the sun was just beginning its habitual descent behind the blushing mountains. Quietness had entered into our wooded haven, and for once we knew that the next few moments would usher into our lives something unseen and yet welcomed.

Ashley and Arley looked away from the disappearing sun and caught one another's gazes. The time had come. We jointly mounted our loyal friend, Windwhister. As we began our exit from the woods which had once held us in innocence and purity, we silently mourned our loss. But life was moving forward and we could not stop it. Times were changing.

Arley looked around the shaved mane of Windwhistler and thanked him, for he was like the only one she could talk to. He gave a "neeeeeeehhhhhhh" and we all smiled.
Ashley spoke first. "Arley, what did we do before we found our joy in skates and horses?"
Arley replied,"Well, I cannot recall, but I can say that I cannot now imagine my life out of skates or off the horse."
So then they strapped on their skates and glided into the theatre to see a PJ movie.

But before they could reach the city gates, a greasy haired blonde man went streaking across the hills.
"Who was that?" Ashley asked.
Arley knew. She had spent many years as a child picking up the pieces of her love dead heart. She knew this man. And she was speechless before him.
"Arley, what is it?" Ashley begged for a reply.
"That? That is Zach-B."
"you act as if you know this man."
Arley slowly explained that he was her first and only love.
We began chasing Zach-B, for he had something we needed, but we didn't know what.

Ashley reached into her satchel but couldn't find her plugs. "Arley, do you have your plugs with you?"
"well, kinda" she said.
Suddenly, Braxton Hicks dashed by with Ashley's plugs!!! And then, soon after came Zach-B riding Windwhistler. He was after her missing plugs.