"The Hungering Dark"

"O Thou, who art the God no less of those who know thee not than of those who love thee well, be present with us at the times of choosing when time stands still and all that lies behind and all that lies ahead are caught up in the mystery of a moment. Be present especially with the young who must choose between many voices. Help them to know how much an old world needs their youth and gladness. Help them to know that there are words of truth and healing that will never be spoken unless they speak them, and deeds of compassion and courage that will never be done unless they do them. Help them never to mistake success for victory or failure for defeat. Grant that they may never be entirely content with whatever bounty the world may bestown upon them, but that they may know at last that they were created not for happiness but for joy, and that joy is to him alone who, sometimes with tears in his eyes, commits himself in love to thee and to his brothers. Lead them and all thy world ever deeper into the knowledge that finally all men are one and that there can never really be joy for any until there is joy for all. In Christ's name we ask it and for his sake." Amen. (Frederick Buechner)

**This is exactly where I am today. Karla Worley read this to me this morning over cinnamon muffins and homemade latte's. While her voice read the beautiful words of a well known man of God, my heart began to unwind and drip the first of what will be an ever-growing puddle of loss and relinquishment. I'm praying for the endurance to swim through what will soon become a fast-moving river that sweeps me from one world into another. The voices that shout to me from the banks of the river are muddled and all I can really hear today is the pounding of waves against my head.
I had forgotten this painful part of the leaving process. I feel painfully disconnected from those people who mean the most to me. I'm mourning the loss of many things, defined and left unsaid, that seem to be leaving my life. Change is all around me and I hurt over the fact that I have been so unable to make sense of anything or organize my life in such a way that makes Christ look good.
I'm constantly in tears today. I sense some changes coming in the next few days and i just really need to keep Christ as the focus of my mind. These voices are too much without him.
Don't you love the joy in this post?

Today...this actually looks appealing. Me, Asia, some assurance that God's with me and that I'm not screwing something up.