The Once's Become

I have amazing friends. I really, really do. I'm surrounded by people who love me and value me and want me to be free. Last night I came home and started writing. I haven't just written without editing or being organized in my thoughts in a long time and it felt really good. I don't know, maybe it will help someone else out there. Maybe not. But I don't fear that outcome, I just want to share it.

The Once's Become

My mind jumps like a dancing firefly
between the dwellings of faith and the empty tombs of doubt
Because there is no contact of feet with the everpresent and infinite line
between the two,
And yet I think the final point on the trail is one of peace and one of hope
and one of love and one of faith.

I juggle the pins and balls and flames that seem so
easily tameable until I hear one hit the floor
or a nearby piece of furniture,
or worse still a fragile moment holding a fragile child of a thought
birthed into the hands of uncertainty.
And all around me that once was safe and once was home
and once was good breaks under the impact--
the impact of dream and doubt, flight and fear, wings and worry,

I stop jumping I stop juggling I stop knowing
anything at all.
I look below me and all around lay the remnants
of a once-dream, once-promise, once-hope, once-love.
And the once's glisten and sparkle as a light falls upon them.
The once's become.
In their still onceness, they design a broken dream that never could be seen before,
and it's as if the onces, the moments,
they contain a beauty only exaggerated by unity.
But they are still beautiful, in all their brokenness.

And she glistens and sparkles in that moment of defeat
and separation and chaos and quiet.
Above her the light beams down, all around,
and the world is still beautiful, and the world is still jumping,
and the world is still juggling, but
the broken moment created for her a unique chance to shine
and a place for her feet to land.


((to kev-on-ita, nickle, victory, nicklaje, and monzarella...i'll blog about the hike from hell later today.))