The Holy Shadow

Did you know the word "shadow" has 18 definitions in the dictionary? I looked up stalker first, thinking Holy Stalker would have been a better name for this blog entry...but every definition for "stalker" included words like "stealthily" or "malice", which when used to define God as I was trying to do by giving him a name this morning, would sound as if I am suggesting God to be intentionally set on doing evil or harm. Clearly, that's not what I mean so I chose "shadow" simply because one of it's 18 definitions said "a constant presence". I guess this is the best way to describe who God showed Himself to be this morning.

I was reading Genesis 32:22-32, Jacob wrestles with God. From some other resources I used, I saw that about 7 chapters earlier, God came to Jacob in a dream and promised him the Abraham covenant/blessing almost immediately after he'd just duped his father and older brother into giving him the firstborn inheritance belonging to his older brother Esau.
Before I go further, I need to say that I had spent most of the early morning outside, thinking about God in new ways, but I couldn't explain them to you now. What I realized was that the childhood God I've learned about growing up continues to be a less than accurate description of who God really is. Or maybe I just misconstrued it through life. Regardless, I'm learning things about God I should have known a long time ago, but for some reason I didn't...or didn't know them in a real way.
So I said, "Alright, Mr. Man in the sky. Just exactly who are you? Show me something about yourself today." And then I sat down to read my Bible.
That is where Holy Shadow/Stalker came in. In Genesis 25 and 32--as well as Luke 15, and not to mention the lives of myself, my Dad, my ex-boyfriend CJ, my friend Stephen, and on and on throughout the ages of us really rebellious and streets-of-new-york sinners who enjoyed addiction too much--GOD is a Holy Stalker. A Holy Shadow. He's there, waiting to rescue us. He's not approving of our sin, but he's letting it happen. He knows about it. He's up in the rafters observing every thought and attitude and behavior. And along the way, he's dropping subtle hints of His presence: love letters, business cards, flowers, etc. However, there's a catch. The catch depends on the state of our own heart. The catch is "Are we willing to be found? Are we willing to be gotten? Are we willing to be saved?" Until we can say "Heck yes I am", God's still up in the rafters of our lives.

So, I'm reading in Genesis about how God comes to Jacob in a dream and makes promises and bestows blessings, and I"m thinking "Ok, God. So you are telling me that even in my badness or rebellion, you are coming after me and even willing to go so far as bless me? That's not something I remember knowing about you before." It's sad, I know. But it's just today's lesson in my life.

I turned to Luke 15, probably one of my most favorite parts of the Gospels. The Big 3. The Lost Sheep. The Lost Silver Coin. The Lost Child. In all three stories, God is going after the 1...because there is more rejoicing in Heaven over the 1 coming back to God than the 99 who already have Him. A story about lost sheep will reach the majority of the world who lives off the land, barely getting by, recognizing the high value of one lost sheep. The Lost Coin speaks to the calloused souls of all of us, to the American capitalism, to the go-getters who are out for money. And the Lost Child...well that's my story. That's the parable Christ threw in at the end, with lots of detail (21 verses!) for people like me who don't care so much about sheep or coins, but whose hearts break in half over people and relationships.

God, in his grace, chases after sinners. Jacob, the prodigal child, Ashley...all of us I guess. But even the vilest of sinners in the middle of their sin can meet God. Because God chases us and meets us in our need. He loves saving us, for this is who He is--our salvation. Christ even said, "It's not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." That's why Christ always hung out with ragamuffins. They admitted they weren't perfect by their outward behavior.

So, in all these stories, God will most definately chase after you but when he finds you, you have to be willing to be taken. And if trials come after that or during that, it's because He loves you enough to let you learn from your mistakes so that grace is real to you. So that you too come to the point of admittance for help.

That's my sermon. I just wanted to share with you what I learned today. Maybe it will help 1 of you. From what I learned today, it's all about the 1.