home on my own

If plans never changed, I'd be headed to this place in 27 minutes. My flight left for Los Angeles/Hong Kong/Bangkok/Burma at 5 pm tonight.
It's really odd living these moments, because these are the "what might have been" moments of a few months ago. Back when life was going and I was going and Burma was where we were going to, this second and day and time & space in Nashville were things I'd never have a chance to know.
Now? Now these are mine. These are life and these are the focus. These are what obedience looked like, it just took me a month in Virginia to see the broad horizon of obedience's possibilities, and then as I started walking towards that broad idea, the road narrowed and the sun shone down, outlining a very strict and narrow path to the edge.
Here's the edge. Home. I'm home and that's what today means. Just because I know that 20 minutes northeast of me is a plane pointing its nose towards California, and at 3am tomorrow morning there's a plane headed for Hong Kong...just because I know these things doesn't mean that I'm supposed to be a part of that world.

Driving out of Walmart parking lot this morning listening to David Crowder, I heard him ask "Aren't we left here on our own?"
I don't think that question was meant to depress anyone or to provoke pity for Crowder or to mock the God who claims to be in all and through all and making all that is good and pleasing and perfect. I think that question rhetorically asked me to consider what is true: that we are indeed left here on our own. Today, I have been left here on my own. Not alone...but, on my own. God's all I've got and for the first time in my life, that's all I want. He's graciously removing from my desire list a longing for old or new romances, an acceptance letter from Golden Gate seminary, a one way plane ticket to Burma, a lot of money or a lot of praise.

He's taking away all that made sense and made me who I thought I was, and he's just leaving those places empty, knowing that time will close up the gaps and the wounds and the holes from shots of the enemy. He's leaving me on my own.

That's where I want to be. Home on my own.

Here are some of those memories I would not have had if I were on a plane today:












These faithful friends were there when all this started---thank you for continuing to walk this road with me